It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
