Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
