After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
