You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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