I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
