So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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