So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
