bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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