He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
