i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
