A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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