Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
