What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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