You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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