Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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