i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
