You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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