Is it because I queefed?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize