Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
