you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
