Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
