I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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