You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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