I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
