It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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