The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
