He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize