I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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