1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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