im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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