Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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