Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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