holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
