Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
