Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize