You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
