sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
