She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
