I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
