I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
