I looked at my own cervix.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
