...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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