I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
