What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
