if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize