im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
