There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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