anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
