mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize