i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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