so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
