i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
