thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
