apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
