my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
