Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
