What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
