The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
