so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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