Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize