Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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