My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
