you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
