Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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