I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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