the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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