I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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