watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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