Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
