I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
