I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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