Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
