On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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