She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just pee around me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
